Sunday, June 05, 2005
Ruling the World Through Socks
Today I saw a lady in the park walking her dog. The dog was twenty metres away from her. I casually thought, "I thought dog's had to be on leads." I didn't care but thought that nonetheless. Upon closer inspection I realised she was in fact, adhering to the laws of the park. Her dog was on the end of a 20 metre lead. That lead was so long I could tie ten couches on top of a car with that (couldnt think of funnier example, sorry).
Last week I was walking along, and heard an old lady yelling out off to my left. "Elliot! Elliot no! Elliot!" I looked around, as curiosity definetly got the better of me and I was just in time to see some small shaggy dog mount a fellow park-goers pooch, and proceed to go like the clappers. The lady, unfortunately was old, giving the dog a few seconds before her old legs got her over to her fluffy companion. The fluffy companion being the dog of course. No, I didn't look for too long, carefully avoiding the tag of 'animal porn lover.'
When does an old lady get to the point where she thinks "fuck this, I'm too old to keep shaving this beard," and end up growing more hair than a pubescent boy? On the news once, they were interviewing some old guy after he got mugged, and he was talking from his hospital bed, his name popped up in one of those seven new captions. It was in fact, a lady called betty or something. News being rated 'g?' i don't think so.
Why does every fish and chip shop have a girl behind the counter with a moustache?
Plus how do socks disappear, even after 23 years, I still can't get to the bottom of this one. Is there a friend in every group of friends, a family member out of every family that is secretly contracted to the governement to steal one, or more pairs of socks every couple of weeks to build a huge stockpile of socks hidden somewhere deep in the recesses of a secret desert compound? What they do with them all? My guess is that we are in fact running out of cotton, not oil and thus need to build up some sort of reserve once socks run out, and then the price will skyrocket and Australia will rule the world with socks!
Last week I was walking along, and heard an old lady yelling out off to my left. "Elliot! Elliot no! Elliot!" I looked around, as curiosity definetly got the better of me and I was just in time to see some small shaggy dog mount a fellow park-goers pooch, and proceed to go like the clappers. The lady, unfortunately was old, giving the dog a few seconds before her old legs got her over to her fluffy companion. The fluffy companion being the dog of course. No, I didn't look for too long, carefully avoiding the tag of 'animal porn lover.'
When does an old lady get to the point where she thinks "fuck this, I'm too old to keep shaving this beard," and end up growing more hair than a pubescent boy? On the news once, they were interviewing some old guy after he got mugged, and he was talking from his hospital bed, his name popped up in one of those seven new captions. It was in fact, a lady called betty or something. News being rated 'g?' i don't think so.
Why does every fish and chip shop have a girl behind the counter with a moustache?
Plus how do socks disappear, even after 23 years, I still can't get to the bottom of this one. Is there a friend in every group of friends, a family member out of every family that is secretly contracted to the governement to steal one, or more pairs of socks every couple of weeks to build a huge stockpile of socks hidden somewhere deep in the recesses of a secret desert compound? What they do with them all? My guess is that we are in fact running out of cotton, not oil and thus need to build up some sort of reserve once socks run out, and then the price will skyrocket and Australia will rule the world with socks!
