Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Walking Not Driving (you know, drowning not waving)
I, along with a heap 'o' people, think that drivers are some of the most aggressive humans in our society. I'm categorising them as drivers, because once they step off the curb and climb into the drivers seat, they change. It's like an Incredible Hulk-style change.
In our lovely little society, we have Teachers, Nurses, Managers, Retail Assistants. Then we have drivers. I love watching this comic-book style transformation, perfect one second, then green and physics-defying muscley the next. I'm writing about this as I think it's embarassing. They speed up like maniacs, give each other the finger, swear, and turn into selfish, uncompromising knobs (not all of them, but some).
What if this type of behaviour was translated to our footpaths, or in a busy shopping centre for example? Example: Shit, some slow old grandma with a shopping buggy is in my way! Fuck that, I'm overtaking her, then I'll chastise her for being a slow old bag 'o' bones.
Speed up my walking pace, pull up alongside her, crane my neck and extend that magical finger complete with pissed off asshole face. This is followed up with various obscenities that 100 years ago I'd be doing time for, and then I walk off, leaving her coughing up the dust from my speeding shoes. Yeah thats how it'd be.
Clearly this does not translate into out-of-car activities, and this is my point. It defies our normal civilised code of conduct, and we need to stop it! I suggest putting loudspeakers on top of all the cars and strapping peoples hands to the steering wheel so they can't do anything. It'd be like a car POW camp. Completely, and utterly unworkable. It sounds funny though.
PS I drive too!
In our lovely little society, we have Teachers, Nurses, Managers, Retail Assistants. Then we have drivers. I love watching this comic-book style transformation, perfect one second, then green and physics-defying muscley the next. I'm writing about this as I think it's embarassing. They speed up like maniacs, give each other the finger, swear, and turn into selfish, uncompromising knobs (not all of them, but some).
What if this type of behaviour was translated to our footpaths, or in a busy shopping centre for example? Example: Shit, some slow old grandma with a shopping buggy is in my way! Fuck that, I'm overtaking her, then I'll chastise her for being a slow old bag 'o' bones.
Speed up my walking pace, pull up alongside her, crane my neck and extend that magical finger complete with pissed off asshole face. This is followed up with various obscenities that 100 years ago I'd be doing time for, and then I walk off, leaving her coughing up the dust from my speeding shoes. Yeah thats how it'd be.
Clearly this does not translate into out-of-car activities, and this is my point. It defies our normal civilised code of conduct, and we need to stop it! I suggest putting loudspeakers on top of all the cars and strapping peoples hands to the steering wheel so they can't do anything. It'd be like a car POW camp. Completely, and utterly unworkable. It sounds funny though.
PS I drive too!
