Monday, August 15, 2005
A day in the life of a guv'nor
My day began in essentially the same fashion as those days that have ruled before them, by me waking up. However, there was more. I won’t bore you with the details, bar one; the one when I was reading the morning paper. So I was reading my paper, going through all the usual bits, when for some strange reason I happened to glance over the second-last page at the back of the main section in The Age. Usually I don’t give it the time of day (or morning), however one small thing did catch my eye. It was the “FYI” section, which I assume is an acronym for “For Your Information,” not to be confused with the “FYI” for reformed rude people, which of course stands for “Fasten Your Innuendo.”
I glossed over the correction policy, the shipping news and the faith headings, and arrived at the heading entitled Vice Regal. “What could that mean?” I thought to myself, so I began to read. Here it is in its entirety as it appears on page 19 in the 15/8/05 edition of The Age:
“On Friday Governor John Landy received the call of former Irish president Mary Robinson at Government House and later, at a reception at the Grand Hyatt Hotel, presented Mrs Robinson with the United Nations Association of Australia International Peace Award. Mr Landy then attended the centenary dinner of the Bird Observers Club of Australia at the University of Melbourne.
On Saturday, Mr Landy attended the Collingwood Football Club president’s dinner and presented the Peter Mac Cup at the MCG.
On Sunday, Mr and Mrs Landy visited Mildura where Mr Landy attended the dedication of an Avenue of Honour for the Fallen, and opened the 2005 Masters Games.”
One thing that bemuses me is the fact that I have never noticed this section of The Age. I thought that maybe it was a once off, so I quickly pulled out some editions from last week and was met with this from page 21 in the 10/8/05 edition:
“The Governor, John Landy, presided at a meeting of the Executive Council at the Old Treasury Building and later received the call of the Ambassador of the Slovak Republic, Dr. Peter Prochaka.”
August 12th:
“The Governor, John Landy, and Mrs Landy hosted a reception at Government House for the 2005 Victoria Prize and Fellowships for Innovation in Science, Technology or Engineering, and the Anne and Eric Smorgon Memorial Award. During the morning, Mrs Landy visited the Abbotsford Convent Foundation.”
I was blown away to say the least, knowing that I am able to know exactly what our Governor does with himself everyday. Even his wife gets a mention, which I’m sure she’s happy about.
We’ll assume her name is Anne. A friend may ask a routine question one day over coffee and assorted biscuits like, “So Anne, how’s your week been so far?” With a knowing smugness and an air of class, Anne Landy would reply, “Oh June, if you read The Age everyday, you’d know wouldn’t you.”
Maybe our Governor can dodge being suspected of losing his memory/mind by cutting out the ‘minutes’ of his days and keeping them in his pocket for quick reference when someone asks him where he was, say, the day before.
Here’s a small excerpt from my day today, which doesn’t appear anywhere, and may not be entirely accurate:
On Monday, Mr Hutton awoke from his slumber and arrived for an early breakfast in his kitchen. He unveiled a new box of tea, and presented himself with a freshly brewed cup.
During the afternoon, he visited the University of Melbourne, where he attended a number of lectures, and then in front of fellow students, purchased a medium cappuccino with two sugars. There is no Mrs Hutton, but if there was she would have opened a door at some point, and taken a brisk walk to visit the household toilet.
Mr Hutton then arrived at home where he opened a recently purchased beer and then retired to bed. Mrs Hutton, being non-existent, didn’t follow him up to bed later, nor feigned a headache when pestered for sex, as she doesn’t exist.
I rest my case.
I glossed over the correction policy, the shipping news and the faith headings, and arrived at the heading entitled Vice Regal. “What could that mean?” I thought to myself, so I began to read. Here it is in its entirety as it appears on page 19 in the 15/8/05 edition of The Age:
“On Friday Governor John Landy received the call of former Irish president Mary Robinson at Government House and later, at a reception at the Grand Hyatt Hotel, presented Mrs Robinson with the United Nations Association of Australia International Peace Award. Mr Landy then attended the centenary dinner of the Bird Observers Club of Australia at the University of Melbourne.
On Saturday, Mr Landy attended the Collingwood Football Club president’s dinner and presented the Peter Mac Cup at the MCG.
On Sunday, Mr and Mrs Landy visited Mildura where Mr Landy attended the dedication of an Avenue of Honour for the Fallen, and opened the 2005 Masters Games.”
One thing that bemuses me is the fact that I have never noticed this section of The Age. I thought that maybe it was a once off, so I quickly pulled out some editions from last week and was met with this from page 21 in the 10/8/05 edition:
“The Governor, John Landy, presided at a meeting of the Executive Council at the Old Treasury Building and later received the call of the Ambassador of the Slovak Republic, Dr. Peter Prochaka.”
August 12th:
“The Governor, John Landy, and Mrs Landy hosted a reception at Government House for the 2005 Victoria Prize and Fellowships for Innovation in Science, Technology or Engineering, and the Anne and Eric Smorgon Memorial Award. During the morning, Mrs Landy visited the Abbotsford Convent Foundation.”
I was blown away to say the least, knowing that I am able to know exactly what our Governor does with himself everyday. Even his wife gets a mention, which I’m sure she’s happy about.
We’ll assume her name is Anne. A friend may ask a routine question one day over coffee and assorted biscuits like, “So Anne, how’s your week been so far?” With a knowing smugness and an air of class, Anne Landy would reply, “Oh June, if you read The Age everyday, you’d know wouldn’t you.”
Maybe our Governor can dodge being suspected of losing his memory/mind by cutting out the ‘minutes’ of his days and keeping them in his pocket for quick reference when someone asks him where he was, say, the day before.
Here’s a small excerpt from my day today, which doesn’t appear anywhere, and may not be entirely accurate:
On Monday, Mr Hutton awoke from his slumber and arrived for an early breakfast in his kitchen. He unveiled a new box of tea, and presented himself with a freshly brewed cup.
During the afternoon, he visited the University of Melbourne, where he attended a number of lectures, and then in front of fellow students, purchased a medium cappuccino with two sugars. There is no Mrs Hutton, but if there was she would have opened a door at some point, and taken a brisk walk to visit the household toilet.
Mr Hutton then arrived at home where he opened a recently purchased beer and then retired to bed. Mrs Hutton, being non-existent, didn’t follow him up to bed later, nor feigned a headache when pestered for sex, as she doesn’t exist.
I rest my case.
