Friday, August 05, 2005
Lessons in Pedestrian Crossing Cool
I'm a staunch supporter of adhering to road safety rules, specifically those concerning pedestrians. Pressing the button to walk, and waiting until the 'little green man' flashes up, is just so important.
I'm lying, I don't really give a crap at all, but the one thing I love about pedestrian crossings is pressing the button. There isn't just one way to do it, there are heaps.
Most people like to adopt the orthodox walk up and press the button, although some then proceed to hit it about twenty times, thus revealing to the world that they can't relax. I've noticed that a few older people do this too, and I would have thought that by now they would realise that repeated button pressing does shit all, but I guess it does allow some steam to be let off.
I've found that even if I walk up and press the button, then proceed to lean on the pole, that people will still come up and press it, not realising that by leaning on it, I've probably pressed it too. This is I find annoying, plus their hand goes dangerously close to my bum, which I find exhilarating.
I've digressed a bit here, so I'll go back to my main topic, which is the various ways in which one can press the pedestrian crossing button.
1. I like a technique I call 'the knee,' which involves me lifting my knee, and connecting it with the button. This doesn't require any hands, and can look cool, but slightly try-hardish at the same time.
2. The Rock Star. This is one of my faves, especially on dates where I'm trying to look a bit carefree and original. It involves walking up normally, then extending out the leg in a kind of rock star kick. This technique is a bit risky because a mis-hit, or non-hit, can turn this potentially cool moment into sheer embarassment, so be careful. Maybe practice at home with a small target blu-tacked to the wall.
3. Variations on the Kick. A hacky-sack kind of round-the-back heel technique, where you pretend that the button is a hacky-sack, and contact here makes you and look geeky and cool at the same time. The creme de-la creme of button hitting. More like curdled creme de-la creme.
4. Actually, I've found that the use of foreign objects is ok too, such as the pointy end of an umbrella. A bike pump or a box of pringles (lid on) could work too, especially if you're going for the 'I'm trying to be weird, and I feel a bit self-conscious doing it but I don't want people to know that' look.
Enjoy these tips and soon you'll be turning heads and all that sort of thing when you transform from pedestrian crossing loser to totally rad crossing cool guy.
I'm off to cross some roads, and win some admirers on the way.
I'm lying, I don't really give a crap at all, but the one thing I love about pedestrian crossings is pressing the button. There isn't just one way to do it, there are heaps.
Most people like to adopt the orthodox walk up and press the button, although some then proceed to hit it about twenty times, thus revealing to the world that they can't relax. I've noticed that a few older people do this too, and I would have thought that by now they would realise that repeated button pressing does shit all, but I guess it does allow some steam to be let off.
I've found that even if I walk up and press the button, then proceed to lean on the pole, that people will still come up and press it, not realising that by leaning on it, I've probably pressed it too. This is I find annoying, plus their hand goes dangerously close to my bum, which I find exhilarating.
I've digressed a bit here, so I'll go back to my main topic, which is the various ways in which one can press the pedestrian crossing button.
1. I like a technique I call 'the knee,' which involves me lifting my knee, and connecting it with the button. This doesn't require any hands, and can look cool, but slightly try-hardish at the same time.
2. The Rock Star. This is one of my faves, especially on dates where I'm trying to look a bit carefree and original. It involves walking up normally, then extending out the leg in a kind of rock star kick. This technique is a bit risky because a mis-hit, or non-hit, can turn this potentially cool moment into sheer embarassment, so be careful. Maybe practice at home with a small target blu-tacked to the wall.
3. Variations on the Kick. A hacky-sack kind of round-the-back heel technique, where you pretend that the button is a hacky-sack, and contact here makes you and look geeky and cool at the same time. The creme de-la creme of button hitting. More like curdled creme de-la creme.
4. Actually, I've found that the use of foreign objects is ok too, such as the pointy end of an umbrella. A bike pump or a box of pringles (lid on) could work too, especially if you're going for the 'I'm trying to be weird, and I feel a bit self-conscious doing it but I don't want people to know that' look.
Enjoy these tips and soon you'll be turning heads and all that sort of thing when you transform from pedestrian crossing loser to totally rad crossing cool guy.
I'm off to cross some roads, and win some admirers on the way.
