Jock's Jocks

Marketers, advertisers and salespeople are really clever; their job is to get us to buy stuff that we usually don’t need or want but eventually end up with anyway. Just the other day I was walking down the street thinking about how bad the weather was and before I knew it I was walking home with a pink two-piece bathing suit; except it wasn’t called hot pink, but rather Surfari Pink. See, just change the name of something and all of a sudden everyone wants to own it; heck I’ve ditched speedos for bikinis. And what kid wants to drink a bottle of plain boring old cola? It undoubtedly appeals to a small demographic, but add a touch of marketing by changing the name to Krazy Kola, or Radical Fun Cola and kids will be selling their parents to get it.

Some salespeople have been rumoured to be able to sell ice to Eskimos, but I think that’s a big fat myth and I’d probably tell that rumour-spreader that pigs might fly. However if a salesperson were rumoured to sell not plain ice to Eskimos, but rather Super Crazy Frozen Water, I’d be inclined to believe them and would even try to saddle up a pig and find the nearest runway so I can get that porky thing up in the air.

A bar of soap is almost as common as dirt; however ditch that bland name, call it a Beauty Bar and it’s something so radically different, it could actually change one’s life. Imagine it, beauty in the convenience of something that looks like a bar of soap, but instead of rubbing it in your armpits, you rub it on your face and become gorgeous. I’ve ordered a box and as a reward I get a free exfoliating glove thing to rub myself with.

A new contender for the “best thing since sliced bread” saying has arrived and in my opinion has actually eclipsed the bread in terms of greatness. Soap on a rope has saved us banging our heads into shower screens so many times as we pick that slippery beauty bar off the ground it’s just magic. A piece of rope attached to your wrist makes a lot of sense really, as do hats with mini fans attached to them. There’s also something a bit kinky about soap on a rope, however I can’t really work out why. I thought picking up rope-less soap was supposed to be kinky, however bending over is avoided if the soap is attached to your wrist so go figure.
In fact would people stop at soap on a rope? I always seem to be dropping stuff, and not just soap, so why not even attach knives and forks to a bit of rope or even a can of beer? Post-party clean ups would be a thing of the past, as all drinks would stay firmly attached to one’s hand and it would save the carpet getting intoxicated and trying their luck with the couch or even the coffee table. Big Brother Furniture Edition? I could spend some quality time on the Tropical Fun grey coloured couch for that one.

Picture: http://www.huckster.com/images/ice-bags1.jpg