Jock's Jocks

Day Two

Oh how people can lie. We thought we were to be woken at six thirty, but no, the lights flickered on at five thirty. I was dismayed when I checked the time and immediately decided not to join the army, as if I were at boot camp I'd be running three kilometres with a log on my back at this time.
After showering and dressing, half of us were given a classically fatty bacon and eggs brekky, while the other half looked on in envy and disdain. Seeing as though we'd been fasting for about ten hours, we were all pretty hungry. Those who were eating were required to consume it over a half hour period. I don't think I've ever taken that long to eat breakfast. It was a great exercise in restraint and patience, two traits I need to work on. Anyway the doctor came around after breakfast and administered our doses. This was a big anti-climax as we took one tablet, and this was all we were to consume for our three night stay here. I thought I was going to get pumped full of drugs like a right little guinea pig so you can imagine my disappointment when informed of the depressingly small dosage.
The anaesthetist then came round and gave us some locals in our elbows and then inserted the cannula into our arm. I didn't know what one was until this morning, and it's essentially a tap that sits in a vein and everytime the nurses take a blood sample they just turn the tap on and blood comes out. Simple and not too scary. I wasn't tempted to turn into a vampire and pour myself a silver goblet of crimson, instead I stuck to water today.

Overall for the whole day we gave about ten blood samples, and the time periods between samples started off at fifteen minutes after taking the tablet to two hours by the end of the day.

I slept a lot, played tennis on the x-box and tried to read. After a while I got a bit restless so bonded with my fellow triallists and we shared some laughs over a few Monty Python episodes. We are treated really well here however I don't feel like I'm at my joking best so maybe I can put that down as a side-effect to RU-486 or whatever the stuff is called.

Maybe by the end of the weekend the instructions in the final public release will read something like:

Known Side Effects:

- may cause flirting with cute nurses
- may cause humour to drop to embarrassing levels
- may cause people to realise they are so bad at flirting they couldn't flirt with a barbie doll
- may cause hypochondria and imagine that my side hurts only to realise I'm lying on a remote control

I'm considering throwing away teaching as career and selling my body to pharmaceutical companies for the rest of my life, turning into a hideous freak and wearing a mysterious mask. Hopefully the mystery will still lure curious females to me after my face looks like a vertical plate of spaghetti.

I'm off to bed.