Jock's Jocks

I don't really like to call this thing a blog, because if it was, I'd be ranting on about how I spilt a coffee on myself or ran out of toilet paper whilst doing a poo. I don't think people need to know about my life as I don't think talking about sex, drugs and rock and roll is all that interesting on paper, and I certainly couldn't be bothered reading about it. I'd rather read the shipping times at the back of the newspaper, but I don't have any friends illegally stowed away on a Chinese container ship so I don't need to know when they're coming in.

[insert segway here]

With the new industrial relations laws coming in, can I 'sack' a girlfriend and give no reason at all? I think it would be a great idea at the start of that new and exciting dating phase to draw up a position description to cover any potential breaches of employment law. If a girl knew from the outset that she was a 'casual, then I could let her go without so much as a holler.
Could I have a few casuals and sack the lot if I don't think they're effectively carrying out their defined tasks? This could be the beginning of the end of traditional relationships as we see them.





"I love you, you're fired" - the new Industrial Relationship laws.




The new laws are the Prime Minister's brainchild, so what's his take on them? Does Jeanette have to suffer the ignominy of an annual performance review, where she needs to convince her employer, in this case John, as to why he should keep her on? It would be a nervous time, sitting in his office, while he flicks through his files.

"Jeanette...Jeanette....Jane, no, Julia, whoops gone too far..ahh here we are Jeanette. So Jeanette. I'm reading here that you are my...wife...of 30 years...a few kids.

I'm looking at your 2005/2006 performance. Ahh that's right, now you might remember a couple of months back when you burnt that curry, three weeks ago when you turned my shirts pink, and at some point you also pestered me for sex. Things aren't rosy are they? Hanging on by a thread I reckon. Look, I believe in second chances, so I might give you another three months and see how you go, just to be on the safe side, and we'll go from there."

She clearly didn't a get a word in, as I couldn't bothered typing out any dialog but you get the picture.

Clearly, this can all be avoided if there are correct interview procedures in place. There are plenty of new methods of choosing that right person, with complicated interviewing techniques, psychological tests and the like. A curly question you might want to throw at a potential significant other (or insignificant through poor interviewing techniques) might be, "so what do you enjoy doing outside of work...maybe cheating?" Or some more practical tasks to test intelligence such as putting shapes through holes or a questionnaire about the topics you love. Here is an example:

Section 2 - Rock and Roll

1. You can't wait to see Iron Maiden, especially their bassist:

a) Joe Bloggs
b) Steve Harris
c) Bon Jovi
d) Gary Glitter

Section 3 - Beverage General Knowledge

You've just cracked open a cold brew, what the hell am I talking about?

These questions seem a little shallow, but heck every deep lake needs a surface, just like every puddle needs a bottom.

So choose that next person wisely, as they could turn out to be in it just for the money, and not the love of the job.