Jock's Jocks

So…marketing acronyms are becoming more frequent in people’s vernacular these days, ho-fucking-hum. Admittedly, one of the only slightly memorable pieces of knowledge gained from a business degree was that of categorising people with acronyms such as DINK (dual income, no kids), OINK (one income, no kids), YUPPIE (Young Upwardly Mobile Professional Person) or SKIPPIE (School Kid with Income and Purchasing Power). I guess I’m an OINK, but on the lower end of the socioeconomic spectrum. Maybe I’m a PYGTEN, or a Poor Young Guy That Eats Noodles.

The latest acronymical hit in Australia is the CUB: the Cashed Up Bogan. If you’re not from Australia and don’t know what a bogan is, then this is what Wikipedia said:

“A bogan is an Australian and New Zealand English slang term, at times derogatory, for a person who is, or is perceived to be, unsophisticated or of a lower class background. The stereotype includes having speech and mannerisms that are considered to denote poor education and uncultured upbringing. Mostly applied to white, working-class people.”

Basically if you drive a ute (small pick-up), swear, drink beer and love watching football then you could be classed as a bogan. Some people are part-time bogans, or even closet bogans. That is, they might secretly sit in their closet, drink beer and yell words such as cunt and fuck at their neatly pressed shirts.

So a cashed up bogan is a bogan with money, which is obvious really. The idea of a bogan can be seen as being slightly controversial, as it can be conveniently used as a term to elevate the user above the ‘un-cultured’ notion of Australians.

Incomes have increased a lot over the years, and now plumbers and the like are able to fulfil their spending aspirations that may have remained unfulfilled ten years ago.

So like it or not, I can’t help but feel that when people suddenly have a lot more money, they are then egotistically distanced by those that have had high incomes or large inheritances for a longer time.

Classic cases of CUBS are the fictional masterstrokes of Kath and Kim. A real-life example is that of Lleyton and Bec Hewitt and some other Australian celebrities that I don’t give a shit about; it’s not that they’re CUBS, but I’d rather down a turd milkshake than read about them.

However staying true to my one-man bogan debate, I decided to try my own hand at marketing segmentation and here are my results:

LOSER – Large Overweight Singles stalking people and Entering their Rubbish bins.

WANKER – Wives and Nanas who Kill and Eat Rabbits.

TOSSER – TOp Secret Spies who also Enter Rectums .

DICKHEAD – Dual Income, Crying Kids with Heroin ADdiction.

KNOB – Kan’t Spell, Offloaders of Bribes.

ARSELICK – Anally Retentive SometimEs Laborious Income through Cock.

# posted by Jock @ 12:08 AM