Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Strange Fetish and a Keyboard
I'm so interested in weird fetishes, not that I think I have any myself - unless you think that watching people polish their shoes and loving it a bit weird. I don't actually like this as I don't care much for clean shoes.
Don't get me wrong, I don't like grubby shoes, but I don't lose any sleep over whether I've remembered to clean my shoes that day. Now I actually don't have any shoes worth cleaning as they're all suede and I can't bothered with suede really.
One shoe that is completely useless to clean is the Dunlop Volley. Even two of them would be hard. They are an Australian institutuion, yet they fall apart quicker than a rolex from bali. I love them to bits, literally.
I always get the same little toe side-of-the-shoe hole, and they get really dirty and eventually all of my toes end up poking out, making a mad dash for freedom, not realising that they are connected to my foot, so there ain't no escaping there.
I'm not sure if you guys have this problem, but I have a friend (exciting!) and everytime I walk somewhere with her, she always seems to bump into me. She doesn't seem to know how to get into sync with a fellow walker, and so every ten seconds she'll break her imaginary walking line and veer across into me. Imagine trying to negotiate a puddle with her. Yes I did that today and my shoes almost took a dip into the footpath pool.
Anyway back to the fetish thing, I don't have a typing fetish so I'm going to stop now.
ps I still don't like typing that much, I mean it doesn't really turn me on or anything, but I'm going to apologise for the possible (I'm not totally sure yet) lack of humour in this entry.
ps oooh yeah this typing is hot. I'm going to open microsoft word and have a good typing sesh...
Don't get me wrong, I don't like grubby shoes, but I don't lose any sleep over whether I've remembered to clean my shoes that day. Now I actually don't have any shoes worth cleaning as they're all suede and I can't bothered with suede really.
One shoe that is completely useless to clean is the Dunlop Volley. Even two of them would be hard. They are an Australian institutuion, yet they fall apart quicker than a rolex from bali. I love them to bits, literally.
I always get the same little toe side-of-the-shoe hole, and they get really dirty and eventually all of my toes end up poking out, making a mad dash for freedom, not realising that they are connected to my foot, so there ain't no escaping there.
I'm not sure if you guys have this problem, but I have a friend (exciting!) and everytime I walk somewhere with her, she always seems to bump into me. She doesn't seem to know how to get into sync with a fellow walker, and so every ten seconds she'll break her imaginary walking line and veer across into me. Imagine trying to negotiate a puddle with her. Yes I did that today and my shoes almost took a dip into the footpath pool.
Anyway back to the fetish thing, I don't have a typing fetish so I'm going to stop now.
ps I still don't like typing that much, I mean it doesn't really turn me on or anything, but I'm going to apologise for the possible (I'm not totally sure yet) lack of humour in this entry.
ps oooh yeah this typing is hot. I'm going to open microsoft word and have a good typing sesh...
Friday, July 22, 2005
Iron
How ironic would it be if a guy called Nic got hit by an Iron. Think about it, go on, do it.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
I have a Sun
I love the sun, and combine sun with beer and a lovely couch on a porch, I can pretend I'm up in heaven. Beer heaven.
I was reading a book last night, and it wasn't huge but still about 400 pages. I found it to be almost tiring just holding up the book! After a while it becomes really heavy and I have to keep changing my position just so I don't get a sore wrist. Imagine if I was a really slow reader and I had to get through the new Harry Potter book? I reckon I'd have to retire from the book reading game as two wrist reconstructions would be too much. That was a shit football joke trying to fit knee reconstructions into a book reading context, and I don't think it worked too well.
I was reading a book last night, and it wasn't huge but still about 400 pages. I found it to be almost tiring just holding up the book! After a while it becomes really heavy and I have to keep changing my position just so I don't get a sore wrist. Imagine if I was a really slow reader and I had to get through the new Harry Potter book? I reckon I'd have to retire from the book reading game as two wrist reconstructions would be too much. That was a shit football joke trying to fit knee reconstructions into a book reading context, and I don't think it worked too well.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Walking Not Driving (you know, drowning not waving)
I, along with a heap 'o' people, think that drivers are some of the most aggressive humans in our society. I'm categorising them as drivers, because once they step off the curb and climb into the drivers seat, they change. It's like an Incredible Hulk-style change.
In our lovely little society, we have Teachers, Nurses, Managers, Retail Assistants. Then we have drivers. I love watching this comic-book style transformation, perfect one second, then green and physics-defying muscley the next. I'm writing about this as I think it's embarassing. They speed up like maniacs, give each other the finger, swear, and turn into selfish, uncompromising knobs (not all of them, but some).
What if this type of behaviour was translated to our footpaths, or in a busy shopping centre for example? Example: Shit, some slow old grandma with a shopping buggy is in my way! Fuck that, I'm overtaking her, then I'll chastise her for being a slow old bag 'o' bones.
Speed up my walking pace, pull up alongside her, crane my neck and extend that magical finger complete with pissed off asshole face. This is followed up with various obscenities that 100 years ago I'd be doing time for, and then I walk off, leaving her coughing up the dust from my speeding shoes. Yeah thats how it'd be.
Clearly this does not translate into out-of-car activities, and this is my point. It defies our normal civilised code of conduct, and we need to stop it! I suggest putting loudspeakers on top of all the cars and strapping peoples hands to the steering wheel so they can't do anything. It'd be like a car POW camp. Completely, and utterly unworkable. It sounds funny though.
PS I drive too!
In our lovely little society, we have Teachers, Nurses, Managers, Retail Assistants. Then we have drivers. I love watching this comic-book style transformation, perfect one second, then green and physics-defying muscley the next. I'm writing about this as I think it's embarassing. They speed up like maniacs, give each other the finger, swear, and turn into selfish, uncompromising knobs (not all of them, but some).
What if this type of behaviour was translated to our footpaths, or in a busy shopping centre for example? Example: Shit, some slow old grandma with a shopping buggy is in my way! Fuck that, I'm overtaking her, then I'll chastise her for being a slow old bag 'o' bones.
Speed up my walking pace, pull up alongside her, crane my neck and extend that magical finger complete with pissed off asshole face. This is followed up with various obscenities that 100 years ago I'd be doing time for, and then I walk off, leaving her coughing up the dust from my speeding shoes. Yeah thats how it'd be.
Clearly this does not translate into out-of-car activities, and this is my point. It defies our normal civilised code of conduct, and we need to stop it! I suggest putting loudspeakers on top of all the cars and strapping peoples hands to the steering wheel so they can't do anything. It'd be like a car POW camp. Completely, and utterly unworkable. It sounds funny though.
PS I drive too!
